Friday, June 27, 2003

Beat the heat

So the latest topic of popular discussion among Cal students, now that affirmative action and abortion are officially tired, is the cloak of heat that has hit Berkeley relatively quickly and thoroughly. I've conveniently compiled a list of ways to joust The Heat and come out triumphantly, still firmly mounted on your white stallion, while The Heat hits the dusty ground in fetal position soundly defeated, subjected to the scorn of its peers and the unfettered pain of its own shame:

1. Hire a harem. Having a score of women armed with palm fronds and fresh grapes in your vicinity is an efficient way to both cool your surroundings and impress your friends. It's not very cost-effective, but the novelty pays for itself.

2. Get naked. Oh, c'mon you big hippie. You know you want to.

3. Move to Equador; move back. It's all relative, as they say. In addition to making the Berkeley air seem more tolerable, it will also make you appreciate your plumbing and public libraries, shabby though they may be.

4. Coat your body with white latex paint. It's a scientific fact that light colors reflect light. Plus, latex will protect your epidermal layers from undue warping and rusting.

5. Adopt a pet. Introducing an adorable puppy or kitten into your home is an assured way to warm your heart. This warmth will in turn induce you to perspire, which will in turn cool your skin in moving air. It's you body's own thermal regulator. Don't forget to get your new friend fixed.

Hope this helps! Oh, you might also want to drink plenty of non-alcoholic beverages and stay out of direct sunlight.

(P.S. As my fellow bloggers may have noted, the blogger system has been in flux for the past few days, which rendered many of us unable to post new content since Wednesday. As of this writing, BlogOut is still "improving" its code, rendering my comments unusable. It's not me, it's them. On the bright side, permalinks now work. Yay! No more scrolling.)


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