Sunday, May 02, 2004

Dealing with the SALS

Do you or someone you know suffer from increased sensitivity to the discomfort of coerced collective efforts? Does government intervention cause you to break out in hives? Do you have trouble acknowledging inefficiencies in markets systems? Can you hear voices, but have difficulty understanding words? You may suffer from Sever Acute Libertarian Syndrome and you should know the warning signs.

SALS can strike at any time. Like stroke victims who may lose feeling on one side, people suffering from SALS may not be able to sense any dangers from unchecked corporate power. SALS victims are generally not able to distinguish between working together for the common good and being forced into a nazi concentration camp. SALS victims will always be strong supporters of democracy, but would like those democracies to be small, powerless, and generally inconsequential.

When SALS victims take their beliefs to their logical conclusion, they will claim that even the military and the draft are horrible threats to their freedom. People at this stage of infection generally do not have long to live before they get cancer and die (lest they impose their will on the non-conformist cancer cells). For this reason, most living SALS victims you will meet are only at the stage of infection where they claim that it’s important to keep a standing military to defend against armed enemies, but not a standing fire department to defend against fires.

SALS should not be accused with other diseases. TS or Tolerance Syndrome strikes those who wish that pot were legal and the government kept its nose out of things that don’t affect other people. RGS or Rich Guy Syndrom strikes those have so much money that they would honestly have more power and freedom in the Mad Max style world desired by SALS victims.

posted by Tommaso Sciortino at 8:59 AM

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