Thursday, September 04, 2003

CalJunket Hosts Exclusive Interview With British Prime Minister Tony Blair

Big news, huh?... Wait, what? You mean I didn't actually meet the famous and handsome Tony Blair, let alone have an interview with him, let alone an exclusive one? But you see, I hosted one. Here, at this link. Go ahead, I swear.... See?

Well, it makes as much sense as the Daily Californian's headline today. "Berkeley Hosts Gubernatorial Debate." Hmmm. Walnut Creek, Berkeley, whatever. Sweet Jesus, does that newspaper suck.

Not to be outdone by a mediocre "newspaper," the CalJunketress (namely me) has her own gubernatorial debate coverage. I do have one caveat, however: I only watched the second half of the debate, and I did so in midst of the excitement of cheeseless pizza and seasoned fries and the Bear's Lair. So some of my facts might be wrong. Like the fact that I hosted Peter Ueberroth at my most recent pool party; it may or may not be a fact that he got totally wasted and threw up in the shoes of Mary Carey, whom I was also hosting.

Peter Ueberroth. First, it should be pronounced "Oi-berroth." (Finally my high school German is coming in handy.) Second, I don't like what he says (seeing as I'm liberal and all), but I like how he says it. He cuts through the poop straight to the golden kernals of corn within.

Arianna Huffington. I like her politics. She supports same-sex marriages, opposes the death penalty, and supports immigrants' rights. She's a sexy immigrant with great hair who was married to a gay man; she's living the American Dream.

Tom McClintock. I guess I always had a french fry in my face when this guy was on TV, and I have no recollection of his performance inthe debate, so I went to his website for some infor. It turns out he's thrice the Republican that Arnold could ever be. He seems unconcerned by California social politics and concentrates instead on taxes and government. In fact, his website only outlines four issues (car tax, energy, workers' comp, and government waste). No education, no gay marriage, no immigrant issues. I find these kind of political blinders to be dangerous. The same goes for politicians who focus entirely on social issues but ignore economic concerns, for example. He's a pure Republican, and it's earning him support. And he'll never win.

Cruz Bustamonte. This dude is a total load. He's corrupt, backstabbing, and pandering. And he will win as a result.

Peter Camejo. My boyfriend's primary criticism of Pete is the overreaching nature of his campaign. Camejo is too ambitious and too eager to take a holistic (dare I say unrealistic) approach to each issue. Truth is, the man can't answer a political question without answering five more that weren't even asked. For example, when asked about medical marijuana, he started in about tobacco lobbies. But I love that about him. Save for affirmative action, his politics and mine are in remarkable alignment. He's the most trustworty candidate on the entire slate.

I think it's remarkable that of the six primary cindidates (the five debaters plus Arnie), four are either not native to America or are the offspring of American immigrants. One of California's greatest resources is its diversity.

Most importantly, at the end of the day, we can all agree to legalize medicinal weed. Tom and the Ueberdog call it as a states' rights issue. Arianna and Cruz approach it as a way of minimizing the suffering of terminal disease patients. And Camejo wants to legalize it for everyone in the whole damn country, terminal illness or not. Go Green.

posted by Rebecca C. Brown at 5:31 PM

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